dramatic, erratic and emotional

Usted formará parte de mi ayer. yo no quiero recordarle ahora. i hate you.

fear

Mi temor llega a ser mi motivo...
my fear became my motivation...

ambivalence

sometimes i hate you
sometimes i love you
but most of the time
i am ambivalent for you.

sometimes i'm happy
sometimes i'm sad
i chose the right emotions
but still i can't find out

at times i'm feeling high
there are moments i'm feeling low.
i tried to neutralize myself
until i developed manic-depression.

i wanted to see you
but i remember i don't like to.
torn in between,
i tried to fix myself together.

i love you
i hate you
but most of the time
i am ambivalent for you.

(pero flat affet habang sinusulat ang tula)

guro

a teacher affects eternity. no one can tell when his influence stops.

words to live by

words to live by

1. wag mong pagtritripan ang taong naniniwala sa iyo.
2. makinig ka sa nanay mo (mothers know best.)
3. wag mong isipin na ang love at first sight ay true love (neng, hindi yun totoo)
4. wag kang magpuyat para lang sa isang tao (sayang ang oras mo)
5. prioritize. (wag mo kong gayahin,)
6. kausapin mo ang sarili mo once in a while (pero wag mong gagawin in public, nakakahiya un)
7. learn self-defense and bring a weapon when you're going out. (mag-isip ka na lang ng alibi pag nahuli ka ng pulis)
8. check yourself if you have any psychological disorder. (nakakatulong)
9. wag magbabad sa friendster.
10. weigh your emotions before going to bed.

blog (blag, blog or blug)

MATAPOS ang ilang minuto, araw at buwan ng pagiging dormant sa pagiging writer, ako'y magbabalik para magsulat ng mga katripan ko sa buhay. hindi ko alam kung paanong sa gitna ng super stressed kong buhay (plus ang dagan dagan kong thesis work at mala-coke-zero kong lovelife) ay nakuha ko pang makapagconceptualize ng isusulat sa blog na ito. take note, naisip ko ito habang nagtatally ako ng mga data sa microsoft excel para sa aking thesis na mas nakakaiyak gawin kesa sa mga pinakamadramang telenovela at pelikula sa pinilakang tabing at pagbabalat ng sibuyas. mapapamura ka sa sarap. peksman!

teka ano nga bang isusulat ko.

ahh oo nga pala. tungkol sa blog. oo, tungkol sa blog, higit sa kahit ano pa man. sa totoo lang ang tagal ko ng nag-iisip ng isusulat (kasi nahihiya na ko sa author ng gatsulat promise hahaha). feeling ko, kinakalawang na ang pluma ko at hindi na ko makapagisip ng magandang topic. siguro nga natabunan na ng sangkatutak na terms na pinag-aaralan ko sa nursing school at nasanay na ang aking kamay sa mga pagsusulat ng nursing abbreviations (stat, qh, EGD, OR, TAHBSO, etc) at pagbasa ng mga hyerogliphics na sulat ng mga cute na doctor sa UMC, kaya napupurol na ang utak ko. promise, hindi ko na mailipad ang utak ko gaya ng dati sa mga kaweirduhang topic na pwde kong isulat. nakakainis, nakakfrustrate. actually marami nga akong naisip kaso related ang mga ito sa health sciences, human anatomy at diseases. naawa ako sa mga readers dahil baka antukin sila sa mga topics kong nakakatamad intindihin. kaya hindi ko ito tinutuloy.

kaya isang gabi(actually ngayon yun), naisipan ng stressed kong utak na magsulat tungkol sa blog. oo, alam ko na ang blog ang sinusulatan pero wala pa kong nakita (so far, haha) na gumawa ng article tungkol dito. kaya, aun as form of stress relief, (imbes na lumaklak ako ng 2 cups of coffee or magmarathon ng naruto shippuuden), isusulat ko xa (imagine me na may sense of determination XD).

ano nga ba ang blog?
actually, ang blog ay galing sa weblog. a form of webpage wherein anyone (as in anyone kahit ung taong grasa at ung tagakuha nu ng bote't dyaryo pwede basta ba my access xa sa internet) can write and place their personal amusings, opinions, comments on social issues and anything that they can write about. a blog is a personal journal for public viewing.

there are different types of blog. these can be personal, corporate, by media type, or by genre (Source: wikipedia).

Personal:
this is your updated, online diary. it is also the most common type of blog. ito ung mga blog na parang diary mo na ipinapublish mo sa buong kalawakan para ung mga tsismosang nilalang ay maging updated sa iyo. lahat lahat ng ngyayari saiyo, inilalathala mo jan. kung baga sa cellphone parang always GM (group message) na ultimo pati pagpunta sa CR ay isinesend sa laht ng tao sa phonebook nia. ito naman, medyo hightech at mas malaki ang space para isulat ang talambuhay mo. dati sinubukan ko ring maglive journal. nung una, masaya kaso malaunan parang tinablan ako ng kahihiyan sa katawan kasi nababasa ko ung mga past na ngyari sa akin. nakaka....ewan basta.
this blog also serves as a form of communication. pwedeng interpersonal (magmessage ka sa mga readers mo), intrapersonal (kausapin mo ang sarili mo) or transpersonal (wala pa kong nakikitang blog na ganito). sentimental ang blogs actually, though sa mga readers, medyo less value xa and often taken for granted. malaking bagay ito sa mga authors. may mga readers na sumusubaybay (parang dramarama sa hapon) sa mga posts mo. and some even gained awards.

Corporate:
this is a form of blog used for business solely. this is the private type of blog. hindi ka pwedeng makiepal at makiusyoso sa mga internal affairs na pinaguusapan sa mga blogs na ito. when i say internal, talagang ung mga tao lang sa company na iyun ang nageexchange ng posts nila. pwede ring external affairs but it only tackles marketing and advertising topics. hindi pa rin ako nakaexperience or nakakita ng ganitong type ng blog.

by Media type:
media-type blogs includes vlog (a blog composed of videos only.), artblogs (parang deviantart), photoblog, sketchblog at kung anu-anu pang bagay kung saan you're blogging but not in the form of writing but instead, utilizing other forms of media. para ito sa mga tamad magsulat. yung mga tipong artists, music lovers at photogaphers na gustong magkaroon ng puwang sa world wide web.may mga blogs naman sa sama-sama, as in all-in-one alltogether. ung may text na, may video pa, may photo at arts (hulaan nu kung anu un hehe)

by genre:
this type of blog includes almost everything that has not been listed above. the genre-type blog is basically made up of posts regarding a particular topic or genre, of course. this can be a political blog (for activists at mga taong galit sa gobyerno), travel blogs (sa mga nagyayabang sa mga napuntahang nilang different spots sa mundo and also for those who are promoting a particular tourist attraction), education blogs (composed of students and teachers, pwede bang mag-E-class dito, tanong ko lang.), legal blogs(blawgs raw sabi). basta anything.

a blog has its own advantages and disadvantages. it can be therapeutic and lead you to fame. but it can also lead you straight to bars (in short kulong ka). may mga ila ila ng pasaway na bloggers ang nakasuhan dahil sa libelo, plagiarism at kung anu-anu pang mga crime na related sa mass media. kaya para sa atin na mga manunulat, kaunting ingat.
kailangan pa bang i-explain kung bakit therapeutic? a blog can make you unleash your hidden emotions and desires. laht ng mga nasa kalooblooban ng iyong puso at utak, pwede mong ilathala sa blog. kung isang araw (or gabi) umuwi ka sa inyong bahay na punong puno ng galit sa mundo or sobrang in love ka, buksan mo lang ang pc mo, access the internet and visit your blogsite. ilabas mo ang nararamdaman mo (kesa naman sa umakyat ka sa sixteen-floor na building at tumalon or iumpog ang ulo sa pader for 300 times) sa pamamagitan ng pagsusulat. or pagtatype, actually haha.

ang blog mo ang salamin ng pagkatao mo. kaya ayusin mo rin xa. un lang.

PS:
ingat lang sa masyadong pagtatype at baka magkaroon ka ng carpal tunnel syndrome.

migraine

migraine...by moonstar 88

i just can't get enough of this song, which keeps playing in my head. so much that i have to post it here...hehe.

Oo nga pala, hindi nga pala tayo
Hanggang dito lang ako, nangangarap na mapa-sa’yo
Hindi sinasadya
Hahanapin pa ang lugar ko
Asan nga ba ako? andiyan pa ba sa iyo?

Nahihilo, nalilito
Asan ba ‘ko sa ‘yo? asan ba ‘ko sa ‘yo?
Nahihilo, nalilito
Asan ba ‘ko sa ‘yo? aasa ba ‘ko sa ‘yo?


Naiinip na ako, naghihintay sa ‘yo
Masakit na ang ulo, kailangan bang lumuhod?
Gusto ko lang naman, yung totoo
Yung tipong ang sagot
Ay di rin isang tanong

Dahil, ‘di na makatulog
Dahil ‘di na makakain
Dahil ‘di na makatawa
Dahil, di na

Oo nga pala, hindi nga pala tayo
Hanggang dito lang ako...

Nahihilo
Nalilito

happy black valentines day!!!

a heart under repair

stupid. im the most stupid person in the world.
stupid enough to fantasize and love a person who cannot love me back.

im a lover among ruins, standing in the

middle of wrecked, deserted and dry land.
my heart is being slowly eaten up by my
own pain. maybe, tonight i can cry the loudest cry and shed the painful tears away.
why cant he feel me? feel that i have been loving him for so long, accepted
him the way he is amidst the unusual things that he does.

all my efforts are not even enough.
he was just an illusion that ive created in my heart.
im craving for a new heart. but his face still haunts the very core of mine.
im tired of falling down. i like to run away to a place where i can forget him
or even think that he has never existed.
im hurt. its like my heart has been stabbed several times.
i feel betrayed by my own self. i sat alone thinking. crying. askng.
he will never know. he might never know. how much im willing to love him.

i feel lost. nowhere to go. my heart is lost. it lost its ability to feel. to love. im indifferent now.
as i fall, my heart slowly builds its walls to prevent from breaking again.
why do they always hurt me? is it part of my fate? to get hurt. to lost my love.
to write sad love songs. to hum melancholic melodies. to create grieving poems.
he may never really know. he may never even appreciate it. he never knew me.
he never appreciated me. i was just enjoying myself with the illusion that i created.

i dont want to feel anymore. it always end like this. they always leave me.
like i am just a doll. easy to throw away. id rather be a doll. a doll with no emotions.
cannot feel happiness. cannot feel sorrow. cannot feel love. cannot feel pain.
but i must accept. he's gone. away. with someone. i dont want to ask him anymore about
her.

but still im glad.

im back to reality.

los niños encarcelados

mama...
why am i here?
swallowed by this abyss...
suffocated by these high walls of loneliness...
i find no escape...

handicapped dreams

screech...
wheels of motivation slowly halted...
hopes wane dreams disappear
like a dust slowly evaporating in the atmosphere...
no more room for future...
present seem lost...